Remember the Past, Live for the Present, and Dream of the Future.

One day I came across a ceramic angel while I was shopping at Ross.  On the angel's dress it said, "Remember the past, Live for the Present, and Dream of the Future."

I thought, "how amazing??"  I find myself focusing too much on my past, not enough on the present, and I tend to forget to dream of the future.  This little angel was exactly what I needed. 

I kept the angel in our main bathroom.  I wanted to see her often as well as anyone who came to visit our home.  I wish I had taken a picture of her cause one day I knocked her over and the her wings fell off.  I was so distraught.  But, she still looked like a woman with a wonderful message on her dress, so I kept her.  The breakage wasn't noticeable. 

Until the day I knocked her over again. 

She went head first into the sink and her head fell off.

That was it. The end of my angel. I was so sad.

But the message remains.  "Remember the Past, Live for the Present and Dream of the Future."  Something I'm working on daily.  I hope I can one day find another angel, just like her, to remind me of what is important.

Top 12 things I love about being a mother.

Every Mama is super proud of her baby.  When I saw this, I thought "so true!" 

This picture cracks me up, but it captures the pride one has when she becomes a mom.

I was going to do the top 10 things I love about being a mother, but I had a hard time cutting a few out.  So here are the top dozen things I love about motherhood!  Now of course they change often, but here they are:

12.  When Alex rearranges the furniture.  I don’t know why babies do this?  While I’m cooking dinner, all the chairs will be moved out from the dining room table and the high chair will be moved from one side of the room to the other.  While I read in the morning, he pushes his slide across the room as well as his rocking chair.  Next interior designer sensation?  We'll see...

11.  The squeeze game.  One morning, Alex squeezed me as hard as he could.  He was pretty pleased with himself.   Of course, he was very surprised when I squeezed him back.  He thought it was hilarious.  Thus was born the squeezing game.  It has become an affectionate game we do every morning and I love it.

10.  Spinning around.  I love spinning around and having Alex hold on to me the best he can.  He laughs, I laugh.  Lots of fun.

9.  When Alex babbles.  There are times he is having a full-on energetic conversation with himself.  Now, if it was just babbling it wouldn't make the list.  But, when he talks to himself, he cracks himself up, and no one else needs to be there.. very amusing to watch.

8.  I love when Alex is eating and he says "nom nom nom".  Unsolicited... a "nom nom nom" means he loves what he's eating.  He usually has a big smile on his face which means "Mom, you did good." 

7.  When Alex covers his ears.  I don't know what brought this on, but he does it often and he looks so funny with the "I can't hear you...." look to his face.  I think he knows we find it funny, so he does it more often, maybe?  (Course, it won't be funny when he's a teenager, but for now... it's funny.)

6.  Dressing him up!!!  Oh my goodness!!  I love dressing him up!  Someday he'll hate me for these pictures... but they are amazing!!

His first Halloween costume!!  I love The Hot Dog!!  This year he will be a puppy.  I'm so excited!!

My Mother-in-law came across the pumpkin outfit.  It was a 6 month old outfit and looked way too big for our 3 month old.  Seeing as our baby was always off the charts in size.. it ended up fitting and we absolutely loved it!!  We took him to the pumpkin patch dressed in it.  Too much fun!

Awww... The Santa Outfit.  What better Christmas outfit could there be??

With the holidays over... the only things we could dress him in were fancy suits!  We had to borrow this one for my sister Kiki's wedding, March 2012.  Thank God a friend had his size!  The suit I ordered didn't arrive on time.

Here was the suit we ordered and it was worn to my sister Deanne's wedding in June 2012.

OK... back to the count down....

5.   Reading to Alex before bed.  My friend Katie mentioned that her and her husband would sit and read to their daughter as a family before bed.  I thought that was an amazing idea.  I went to the library and found a list of top children classics.  Now I understand they aren't board books, or books that would interest Alex.  I get that.  But selfishly, this is a way for me to relive my childhood and have a moment with my family.  I don't know how much my husband enjoys it, but I love it!  We started by reading Mr. Popper's Penguins, Tuck Everlasting, and now reading Peter Pan.

4.  Tongue popping.  Alex got very excited when he realized he could press his tongue to the roof of his mouth and drop it to make a popping sound.  The best part was Zach or I would do it and he would do it in response!  (When you have a year old baby who doesn't always do what you want him to do, a little tongue popping goes a long way.)  It was a fun trick to do in front of friends, but alas, he doesn't do it anymore.  I've been trying to bring it back, so it's a work in progress, but for the time he did it, I loved it.

3.  Alex in the dog cage.  When Alex learned to crawl, crawling into the dog cage was one of his favorite adventures!  Along with his ability to close the door behind him, he loves going in the doggie cage.  I find it hilarious.  Zach thinks how dirty the cage must be.  But once he crawls in there, I don't make him crawl out.  I'll be sad the day he stops doing this.

The top 2 things I love about being a mother are actual memories that I hope I hold on to til my dying day.

2.  A week after Alex's birth, we were able to finally take him home.  The first night he was home with us, Zach and my mother ordered me to bed because I was noticeably exhausted.  I laid in bed for an hour and a half, unable to sleep.  I got out of bed cautiously (afraid they'd send me back) and I peered into the kitchen where my mom was making her amazing soy sauce marinated steak with sauteed onions (the smell of cooking steak and sauteed onions is amazing) and my husband, who doesn't dance, was dancing with our newborn son to Michael Buble.  

My son is now 13 months old. I remember this moment vividly.  With all the fears that come with being a new mom, this memory warms my heart and put me at ease.  It was one of the most amazing moments of my life.

And now... for number 1....

Back story.... If you ask any mother, the first 3 months of having a child is the most difficult time of their life.  I did not hear about the "fourth trimester" until it was over.  The "fourth trimester" is particularly hard because the baby still acts as if he is still in the womb.  They can't see, they don't know daytime from nighttime, all they know is how to eat, go to the bathroom, and sleep, and that is it.  It is a particular trying because although you are doing all these actions for the baby (and I can't speak for everyone) but I felt no connection to him.  It felt like he didn't know who I was.  He couldn't see me and he couldn't smile.  There was no gratification for the first few weeks after his birth other than being able to carry around an adorable baby.  

But the first day he could see me... I will remember that moment forever.  That was the moment I found the connection... The day I fell in love with my son.

1.  I was giving him his good night bottle.  I was exhausted, my hair was disheveled, in my pjs, praying my son would fall asleep.  I had him propped on a pillow on the arm of the couch, under the side lamp.  I was half asleep, watching him drink, when all of a sudden he stopped drinking.  I looked at him to see what happened.... and he looked right into my eyes.  It felt like he could see my soul and he smiled.  Milk poured out the sides of his mouth.  I couldn't help but laugh, I blushed, and I was a little embarrassed.  I remember saying stupidly, "keep drinking".  He stared into my eyes for the remainder of that bottle.  It made all those weeks of taking care of him without feeling an ounce of love from him worth it.  It made all the sleepless nights worth it.  And although the fourth trimester was the hardest thing I ever did in my life, I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.  For those moments that rocked my life.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the first couple months of being parents:

If you made it this far, thank you for reading the top 12 things I love about motherhood.  Knowing these things helps when I'm having a hard time with my role of being a mother.  I love my son more than my own life, but being a mom is not always easy.  I am working on changing my focus to remember daily what he does which brings joy to my life.  Life is going to be what it's going to be, but we have a choice of how we view it.

Enjoy Every Moment

A week before I got married, someone I knew from High School wrote on my Facebook, "The day will go by so fast.  Make sure to take a second, take a deep breath, and enjoy the moment."

I remember on my wedding day... the day did go quickly.  During dinner, I did exactly what she told me.  Zach and I had just gotten our food, we sat down at the head table and I looked around.  I looked at the cabin-like room, everyone sitting at the magenta tables, eating, talking, and enjoying themselves.  I remember this moment like it was yesterday.

Here is Zach and I at our head table on August 15, 2010.

When I was pregnant I was told, "enjoy sleep, it will be along time until you will get it again."

I remember actually thinking, "How can I enjoy sleep more?"  "Do I take sleep for granted?"

And sure enough, after the birth of my son, all I could think was, "I want sleep!  Can we rewind time?  I'd be willing to be pregnant again?!?"

Which leads me to today, every mother I meet says to me, "Enjoy every moment, they grow so fast".  Part of the reason I started this blog is because I have a hard time enjoying every moment.  I don't know how to?  And I know, someday I'll do it too, I'll tell every other new mother, "enjoy every moment".

Now, maybe I'm taking it too literally and I shouldn't beat myself up, but it wouldn't hurt to find ways to enjoy motherhood more.

I started a list of things I do and do not enjoy about motherhood, and my worst fear happened.  The list of things I didn't like about motherhood was in the lead.

I started to panic.

Then I focused on what I love about motherhood and that list started to grow.

What I found was, the things I didn't like about motherhood were little irritations in my day.  When you have enough irritations, this equals a lot of unhappiness.  These little things add up very fast.

Things you love are less noticeable.  By making this list, it was easier for me to recognize exactly what moments I love during the day.  These moments became more apparent and naturally brought me more happiness.

But another list appeared.  They were not on my dislike list, and they were not on my loved list.  This gave birth to my "I can't believe that just happened, but he's so cute" list.  These things could be on my dislike list, but he succeeded in melting my heart, so I can't get upset. These moments, someday, I will look back fondly and think how adorable those moments were, and forget how irritating they were.  But, as of now, they are just as irritating as they are adorable.  As I started making this list, I started to find I have a new appreciation for these situations I'll look back to someday.

If I can change my thinking, I actually believe I can accomplish this "Enjoying every moment".  And, it's a good feeling to know the remainder of my life will be enriched by it.

A Mama's Pursuit of Happiness

What is happiness?  I asked Wikipedia, and of course, this showed up....

Happiness is a mental or emotional state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.^[1] A variety of biological, psychological, religious, and philosophical approaches have striven to define happiness and identify its sources. Various research groups, including Positive psychology, endeavor to apply the scientific method to answer questions about what "happiness" is, and how we might attain it.  Philosophers and religious thinkers often define happiness in terms of living a good life, or flourishing, rather than simply as an emotion.

I read once (this was my "duh" moment) happiness is not a constant state, it's a fleeting moment.  But isn't everyone "in pursuit of happiness"?  Couldn't we say, finding happiness could be the meaning to life?  So I have to ask myself what makes me happy?

When I have "golden moments".  That makes me happy.  These are the times in the day when I stop and appreciate and love the current moment.  For example: how my son snuggles his head into my neck.  I love the smell of his hair.  I love his laugh.  I love his smile.  These moments give me joy during the day.  I also enjoy moments of peace.  I love those moments that I can take a deep breathe and feel at peace.  Music can bring me peace, a glass of wine, reading, and sometimes a cup of coffee is exactly what my soul needs. These are the moments that make me happy.

Why am I starting this blog?  I have a host of wonderful friends, most of them are mothers, who have started blogs.  I never read blogs before, but as they were posting to Facebook, I found that I really enjoy what they have to say.  So whether my friends want to read or not, it's up to them.

Why am I starting a blog about happiness?  I am not an unhappy person.  But constantly, when you're a new mother, other mothers advise "enjoy it because they grow so fast".  I love my precious little monkey.  I enjoy how affectionate he is, especially because I'm nervous that someday he'll become a teenager who won't want anything to do with me.  And although he brings more joy to my life than I ever thought possible, being a mother is hard.  It's frustrating.  It's tiring.  And I don't always like it.  So I hope in starting this blog, I can focus on the 10% of my day that brings me vasts amounts of joy and peace and learn how to get more happiness out of the other 90%, so I can be a better mother and wife.

So this blog will be my journey, as I try to do what the lock screen on my phone says....